Any idea of how to improve my story?
MAIN STORY LINE
According to legends, there were seven gods in the voidness of space. They created a sun and moon, air and earth, water and clouds. They created a land, floating in the sky, called the Land Onyango. It's a very big land with the kingdom in the very center. There, the seven gods were worshiped by the humans. The gods created "Mana Tree" as a gift to human. This tree is the bridge for the "human mana" and nature's power. The gods also created beasts and monsters to be pets for humans. Civilizations rose in that kingdom, new breeds of beasts were born, and new powers were created in the Land Onyango.
One day, the seven gods saw greed, lies, and anger in the hearts of humans as the human kingdom rose against the seven gods. They were disappointed on their beloved creation. First, they created aggressiveness in the hearts of the beasts and monsters. The monsters constantly raided the human kingdom, and so, most of the humans left the kingdom. Next, they created the eternal dragon, Bahamuth. This dragon separated the Land Onyango into eight islands, with the human kingdom in the central island. The humans that were left in the kingdom to defend it were turned into everstones- stones said to be unbreakable. Lastly, the gods created monsters called Shadows to guard certain parts of the eight islands. Then, the seven gods left the Onyango.
However, it's never too late to change. The seven gods will return someday to see whether the humans were destroyed with greed, lies and anger, or changed into humans worthy to be deemed "heroes."
SIDE QUESTS
1. A century had passed in the Land Onyango. Most human has now grasped Technology, but others prefer to dig the secrets of Mana. Now, the humans were divided into two beliefs- Climbers and Diggers. Which side are you?
2. Legends told that Bahamuth is living in the central island. Do you want to see an immortal creature before you die?
3. Where is the Mana Tree? Uncover the secrets of legends now!
4. What are the Shadows? Where are they now? What are they guarding?
5. What does the legends of the ruins tells about the everstone statues? Did they really turned themselves to everstones to protect themselves because they uncovered the secret of the seven gods?
6. Is the spell Everstone really exists? A spell that creates immortality
7. Help the hidden guild of MagiTech in studying the fusion of technology and magic. Wow! The unexplainable power together with science! Possible??
HIDDEN HISTORY
Way back a century in the Land Onyango, every decade, the seven gods grants the humans some gift. The first one is the knowledge, then self-will, and six other gifts to promote human as more powerful than any other creatures. The Mana Tree is the ninth gift. The beasts and monsters are the tenth gift. The last gift is the most wonderful, but dangerous gift - the gift of love. The seven gods wants the human not just to worship them, but also to love them. However, humans failed to love the gods. The human loved money, power, authority, and other things. Humans learned to lie for the sake of love. And because of love, the vengeance, wrath and strife were born.
SECRET STORY
According to legend, the everstone statues were the defenders of the kingdom. The truth is, those people were mages that sealed the seven gods. Because the human kingdom rose against the gods, they created a spell that seals immortality. The immortality of the seven gods were transfered in the statue and made the gods, mortals. The Shadows that appeared are the "souls of immortality." Without the gods to hold them in the seals, the Shadows escaped. The gods created those shadows for the humans, but they did not finish the plan of making the human immortals. The humans have no idea of the "souls of immortality." Now, the seven gods, which is now mortal, plans to acquire the Shadows to make themselves immortal again. Will the seven gods revenge if they became immortals? Where are the seven gods by the way? No one knows.... except me ^__^
I developed the story first before making a game since the engine is not yet stabe and top-down......
please criticize and suggest
First of limit the gods to not be able to create endlessly, say maybe the fabric of the world grew thin from so many changes and limited the gods. That would make them powerhungry and greedy. Pm the story line to me and i will work on it for you. i'm an author and i love challenges like this. If you like i'll keep the story between m and you for a better effect. I don't want to take any credit though i just do this for fun
What if we get all seven of them? jk
If you're talking about actual story telling its way too straight to the point, it sounds too much like a wikipedia article rather than a story. In simple terms don't make it like, first this happened, then this, then this, then this, then this. For example nobody cares how many things the gods created, instead they care more about how powerful these gods are. Try and be a bit more descriptive and leave the reader wanting more.
Ill rephrase the first bit to show you what i mean. (I'm not actually very good at it)
The land of Onyango, a floating oasis created by none other than the seven gods that are unbeknown to the kingdom that calls this peaceful city their home.
@Ariler: I dont think I understand you 
@Cloven-leaf : I like the idea of limiting the gods... but can you give some more, other than their ability to create.....
@Bake: That's an impressive idea... however, im not good at it.... the ideas are all coming to my mind in such a way that it seems im looking in a history
Hm, if the gods can create all this stuff why would they get "greedy" simply if they want it doesn't seem it would be to hard to do it again for themselves.
Formerly known as NotExistant/Existance0.
Real Name: Arie Miller